Are you Ok? To all moms everywhere 


   I woke up to crying, I couldn't figure out where I was or who was crying or what they wanted, I found myself saying,"please stop. Please be quiet." 

As I search for my phone to get a light to see what she could possibly need, what I could do for her, when sleep is all that we all needed...this reminder had popped up

   I took a deep breath and a wave of compassion that I didn't think I had in me at 1:27 in the morning came over me... When I found out the reason for her crying was pee everywhere i simply took off pee clothes and moved her to the bottom of the bed.

As I headed to the kitchen to grab a wash cloth to warm up water on the stove (because water heaters only go out on Sunday) I sit there waiting for the watch pot to boil- I think to myself,"Am I the only person in the world who is not okay?" 

Are you okay?

This question took me back a few days when i passed a mom walking in the dark at 3 am- I pulled over and the first question I asked was,"are you okay?"

OBVIOUSLY she is not okay. As I gave her a ride and let her borrow my extra phone for a couple days, she cried and called me angel-she doesn't know what she would have done if I hadn't shown up.

   Do we see a mom struggling and instead of helping her -do we ask and move on instead of ask and listen.

My mom friends that have to work that their only wish is to stay home...Are you okay?

My mom friends that stay at home who wish they could find a job just a couple hours away... Are you okay?

My mom friends who aren't moms yet because their hope chest has become hopeless...Are you okay?

My mom friends who make the choice to send their babies safely back to heaven, and have to live with that the rest of their lives... Are you okay?

My mom friends who work and have a nanny...are you okay?

My mom friends who wish they had a person, a friend, anyone to notice and help them... Are you okay?

My mom friends who look so put together...are you okay?

My mom friends who have no support, no one to pick up the slack...are you okay?

My mom friends who can't even answer the Phone because who knows what that phone call could bring... Are you okay?

My mom friends who don't fit in to their family by marriage...are you okay?

My mom friends who just want equality and the chance to marry another mom... Are you okay?

My mom friends who have all their kids grown and gone...are you okay?

My mom friends who are in the middle of post pardom+sleep deprivation...are you okay?

My mom friends who have to deal with addiction and the bombs of the unknown...are you okay?

The moms who stay when everyone tells you to go...are you okay?

The moms who go when everyone judges you because they don't know the whole story... Are you okay?

To moms everywhere that live a life that is just not what they had pictured... Are you okay?

To my step mom friends who are trying their best and somehow that will never be good enough...Are you okay?

To my mom friends who have to share their kids and hope and pray their taken care of when they're away...are you okay?

To my grandma friends who feel they have been forgotten...are you okay?

Why do we keep asking this?

Is anyone okay?

I wish I could give you all a hug, one big hug and tell you how much I look up to you, and even though I see only a part of your struggle and there will be parts i never know about -- I just want to say-

It's okay to not be okay all of the time, the struggle is real. 

And what makes it harder is that it's so different, so different but udderly and completely the same.

   Today I take a pledge to judge less, and love you more.  When I see you doing something that is 'weird', I will ask questions instead of making statements.

I will stop labeling and judging and putting moms in boxes, because nothing is set in stone, it's all constantly changing and one thing I said I would never do, may well be the thing that saves my life the next week.

If I see you in a position where I have been and I can relate I will reach out and hold your hand a walk you through it.

  I'll keep my words soft and sweet for I never know which ones I will have to eat.

I'll smile at you if you come within 9 feet of me, I'll look at you in the eyes and see you. 

I'll think before I say things that could break your heart.

If I could remove one burden from you....just remember you can only do you part- you can't do your partners part, you can't do Gods part, you can't do your kids part.

   And lastly, this week when someone tries to help you, say yes! Even if it isn't how you want it exactly, just say yes and be awed at the talent of others.

If you ever feel not okay, remember you're not alone. You're not alone.

Tammy 1983-20;