CRAK Daily(Commit Random Acts of Kindness) Day #85

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My name is Tamas Guffey. I have rapid cycle bi-polar disorder.  This means that i go up and down quickly my "cycles" won't last month's at a time.  I could be UP one day and drowning the next.

I used to think this was the worst thing ever. But now with a little acceptance and a few shifts in how I live, I actually use it to my advantage.

I know I'm not alone in this.  I have met many many people who have been labled bi-polar and drugged and put in a small box to die...

No thank you.

For me, my new plan is to be UP when I'm Up.

When I am in manic phase I am so effective. I get sh** done.  I can do super human things in small amounts of time and go go go.

Problem is, that usually ends with a crash and before I came to terms with things, I would be suicidal every time this happened.

When I'm low, I'm really low. I can't focus. I can't get anything accomplished.  I can't think of anything positive in myself or in my life. I can justify myself out of this world every time.  Comments like, "the world would be better with out you" are what run through my head.

But now I know this will not last forever either.

I try to eat more often during this time. I try to sleep more. I schedule myself less.

I know in this state I'm not going to be super effective and I let it be.

I stopped fighting it. I stopped expecting more of myself.

I know this is how I roll

This time is my night. I rest. I curl in a ball and cry.  I am more sensitive and let it be ok.

I don't expect myself to be UP all of the time.

I know rapid cycle the sun will come up and my sun time will be in full force.

Don't expect me to be a sun all of the time. I don't expect it from you.

Don't put me down because I am unpredictable, you never know what you're going to get. Just know whether night or day it will end.

I hope anyone struggeling with bi-polar can find peace in your strength and rest in your hard times.

Small acts of kindness make a big difference.

Yestokindness

YesToKindness