CRAK Daily(Commit Random Acts of Kindness) Day #85
My name is Tamas Guffey. I have rapid cycle bi-polar disorder. This means that i go up and down quickly my "cycles" won't last month's at a time. I could be UP one day and drowning the next.
I used to think this was the worst thing ever. But now with a little acceptance and a few shifts in how I live, I actually use it to my advantage.
I know I'm not alone in this. I have met many many people who have been labled bi-polar and drugged and put in a small box to die...
No thank you.
For me, my new plan is to be UP when I'm Up.
When I am in manic phase I am so effective. I get sh** done. I can do super human things in small amounts of time and go go go.
Problem is, that usually ends with a crash and before I came to terms with things, I would be suicidal every time this happened.
When I'm low, I'm really low. I can't focus. I can't get anything accomplished. I can't think of anything positive in myself or in my life. I can justify myself out of this world every time. Comments like, "the world would be better with out you" are what run through my head.
But now I know this will not last forever either.
I try to eat more often during this time. I try to sleep more. I schedule myself less.
I know in this state I'm not going to be super effective and I let it be.
I stopped fighting it. I stopped expecting more of myself.
I know this is how I roll
This time is my night. I rest. I curl in a ball and cry. I am more sensitive and let it be ok.
I don't expect myself to be UP all of the time.
I know rapid cycle the sun will come up and my sun time will be in full force.
Don't expect me to be a sun all of the time. I don't expect it from you.
Don't put me down because I am unpredictable, you never know what you're going to get. Just know whether night or day it will end.
I hope anyone struggeling with bi-polar can find peace in your strength and rest in your hard times.
Small acts of kindness make a big difference.